Sunday, February 13, 2011
Lego Death Star
For my birthday, I bought myself a well-known Scandinavian brand of self-assembly kit. As I waited for it to be delivered, I had the idea of staging a series of scenes around it. They’re based on the premise that the Death Star is a large bureaucracy and that the people who work there would have to deal with all the same sorts of corporate crap as the rest of us... (Any similarity to my own place of work is unintentional and is therefore an absolutely stunning coincidence.)
Vader and Tarkin are worried because the Emperor’s just announced he doesn’t like the new branding guidelines. The stormtrooper feels important to be in this meeting but doesn’t realise he’s supposed to have been taking minutes.
Nothing brightens a workplace up more than a tree. Even one that’s dying from the total lack of natural light.
Somebody didn’t get the memo about dress-down Friday being cancelled.
This is actually a team-building exercise. Two of the team have been killed so far.
Despite their primary combat role, 55% of a stormtrooper’s time is taken up with paperwork. They keep having to make a business case for killing rebel scum.
The chief investment officer is very confident of a good return on his huge purchase of Bank of Alderaan mortgage-backed securities.
“If you strike me down, I shall become a freelance consultant and charge you more than you can possibly imagine.”
The droids from the external IT contractor are explaining that the laser targeting software they supplied isn’t compatible with the firing mechanism. The gunner is surprised because senior management ran a very thorough procurement process.
These brainstormtroopers are thinking of new marketing slogans. So far they have ‘Planetary destruction: making a world of difference’ and ‘Because we all have a dark side’. The Red Bull is not exactly giving them wings.
“That’s no moon.” “No, but this is!” Obiwan is regretting taking on a work experience kid.
The Death Star strongly supports Take Your Daughter To Work Day.
This is the Death Star’s copyeditor. He’s finally persuaded HR that ‘the Star’ isn’t an acceptable abbreviation, even for use on second mention. Now he’s cutting all the jingoistic imperial rhetoric out of the elevator maintenance manual.
The R&D team were very pleased with their new light chainsaw, but Tarkin has seen the state of the imperial finances and recommends more cost-effective weaponry.
“This isn’t the influencing skills workshop you’re looking for.”
“Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them. Such as a new programme of internal secondments.”
And of course the Death Star is justly famed for its canteen.
I’ll let Mr Izzard explain (video by Thorn2200):